Language and Change - by Dr Richard Bandler
I used the term "incantations" in The Structure of Magic I to describe the use of language in change-work for a very good reason. Words - as occultists, philosophers, psychologists, and writers know all too well - have magical effects. When I invite clients to "sit for a spell" the ambiguity is deliberate. I want them to begin to be open to the possibility of change - and the fact that the change may seem magical; often it is.
One important aspect to helping people change is making sure they feel you understand their problem, then to move them as quickly as possible from their problem to the solution you have prepared for them. Words are the primary means by which you can help create this kind of change.
Watching Virginia Satir work, I noticed that she tended to reflect her client's sensory predicates - those words and phrases that signify which of the five senses is dominant at the time of speaking.
Someone might say: "I just feel everything's getting on top of me and I can't move forward or back. I just don't see a way through this." She would reply: "I feel the weight of your problems is stopping you from finding your direction, and the route you can take isn't clear yet..."
She did this intuitively and achieved really close connections with her clients.
On the other hand, I often observed therapists who had no concept of the sensory preference of their client and just spoke the same way to everybody they met. In response to "I'm weighted down by all my problems," a less enlightened therapist might respond: "Well, you need to listen to what I'm saying so you can see some light at the end of the tunnel." These therapists were talking a different language from their clients, and their clients felt as if they were somehow not being listened to or understood.
Couples sometimes end up in trouble by not recognizing these differences. One person - the visual partner - might express love in the form of gifts and flowers, but the other - the auditory partner - still feels neglected because the words "I love you" are never actually spoken out loud.
Once you have successfully matched the other person's preferred sensory system, you can begin to lead them in new directions, to increase their ability to process effectively and make enduring change. We do not want the subject to stay stuck in one processing mode: this lack of flexibility landed the person in trouble in the first place...
Copyright in all media Dr Richard Bandler, 2010
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