Just For Fun: Modelling St Valentine - by Tilly Whim

NLP Modelling and "Great Lovers":

If you are going to model someone because you think they are a great lover, or they have a connection with Romance, then it might be worth doing a little ecology check first.  Here are a few models that it might not be such a good idea to emulate:

THE DOWN SIDE

1) Saint Valentine: not much is known about this elusive Saint, although one story has it that he was a priest arrested by the Emperor Claudius for performing the rites at Christian marriages. At first Claudius took a shine to Valentine.  Perhaps he liked his romantic ideals...  But, so the story goes, when Valentine converted Claudius's General Asterius to Christianity, his reward was rather less than he expected: he was executed, along with the General.

2) Casanova: when people talk of "great lovers", Casanova's name comes up time and again. Casanova was very active (and I do mean very active) in Venice in the 18th Century: he records in his diaries over 100 "conquests".  And that really is the problem with Casanova. He's a seducer who used Spanish Fly to get his victims frisky. Towards the end of his life he suffered fits and bouts of illness as a result of the syphilis he had contracted, like so many other Venetians. There is one theory that the revellers who attended the great masked balls of Venice with their atmosphere of sexual freedom were so disfigured by syphillis that they wore their masks to hide their syphilis scars. That's a metaphor about seduction if ever I heard one!

3) Romeo and Juliet: well, these I can't really recommend, either.  Apart from being fictitious characters, the star-cross'd lovers were teenagers with a tendency to rely a little too heavily on knives and on drugs. These days they would most definitely be in the care of social services.  However, on the upside, they had a very poetic turn of phrase.

4) Cleopatra: true, she was a great and earthy lover very much aware of her female sexual power. On the down side, she had quite a liking for her brothers (a preference common among the Egyptian aristocracy of the time). A matter of equal concern for anyone considering modelling her would be that people tended to either be killed or commit suicide around her. Turbulent is probably the right word for her. That, or trouble.

THE UP SIDE

Models with traits you might consider include:

1) Cyrano de Bergerac: a great example of a true blue romantic. He has a lot going for him: an amazing voice, great bravery, poetic brilliance and a high level of loyalty to others. His beautiful cousin Roxane unwittingly falls in love with his poetic words, which is a plus. On the down side, he never tells Roxane that he wrote the poems she has fallen in love with, allowing someone else to take all the credit for his hard work.  At the story's end, he doesn't get the gal he loves because he thinks about her feelings just that little bit too much... I bet he has a voice in his head telling him she won't be interested in him because of his big nose, etc... hmm... Cyrano could probably have done with performing an ecology check before concealing his identity from the woman he loved.  And he could probably have benefited doing a reframe on just what that great big trunk of his symbolised!

But, this aside, he is a lover with great potential, and a big heart, that's for sure!

2) Elizabeth Bennett: Since I am looking at characters from literature, here's a great role model for the more serious-minded woman to consider. The heroine of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" feels her love for Mr d'Arcy develop over time as she begins to understand his positive traits. She has a great sense of humour, a brilliant eye for hypocrisy, deep patience, moral courage, honesty, a steely determination and a formidable intelligence. Hmmm. Thinking about her again, gals, you might need to be careful how closely you model her: quite a few men I know wouldn't know what to say when she was around!

3) Mr d'Arcy: of course, d'Arcy is the other side of the coin.  To be fair, he is a little awkward in the company of women, has a tendency to say the wrong things, and is not good with his expressiveness. In NLP terms, he needs to tune up his tonality and get a bit more flexible.  On the upside, he is kind, honest, passionate and loyal.  Those are things that anyone might wish to model - especially if they are hoping to woo a Lizzie Bennett!

4) Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor: If the examples above are just a bit too chaste for you, then you might consider modelling these Hollywood stars, who were certainly a couple with an earthy relationship and a lot of passion.  Although they were far from being perfect individuals, there is no doubt that the depth of their feelings for each other was very real - so, it might be worth at least taking the leaf marked "Passion" from their book. At the same time, if you are thinking of modelling either of these two, you will probably need to model their bank accounts, too - to pay your divorce lawyers...

But Hang On A Second - What Is A "Lover"?

You know, I think that I might have written this article back to front.  Because really one of the most important things you might want to ask yourself is what exactly you mean by that massive nominalization "Lover".  Let's face it, just as the word "Love" means different things to different people, the word "Lover" is equally loaded with unspoken value judgements and beliefs.

If you look at the types of lovers I've listed above, they include the naive, the feckless, the honest and the passionate - as well as the straight and reliable.

You might think that being a great lover is the same as being a "womaniser" or a "maneater" and that - like Casanova - putting that notch on your bedpost to keep tally of your conquests is what being a great lover really means. If so, then your priorities and values will produce a list of positive models that will look very different to my one above! 

But if you are struggling with which way to take your own definition of the word "Lover", consider this: there are plenty of hotel beds in the world that have had more people in them than your bed will ever manage, and having the insatiable desire for hordes of people to jump on board for a  bumpy ride does make it sound as if you're not really looking to be a lover... more like a bus driver.

On the other hand - and I used to say it myself when I was younger - the world is full of infinite variety. And they do say "variety is the spice of life..."

A Personal View

So, it's probably time to go back to basics and ask yourself: what do you really want from a "model lover"?

For me, on a purely personal level, I think what makes me - not "a lover" - but - someone who loves - is the quality of my relationship with my partner. Living a life in which love touches me every day is a very different type of a life compared to the one that involves perpetually skirmishing between the sheets. It's a personal choice, as I say.

But if you're considering using NLP to pick people up... bear in mind, it can be a dangerous game. As I heard Richard Bandler say, when he was asked about what he thought of pick-up artists claiming to use NLP to find a mate:

"If you are so stupid as to have to trick a person into bed, then you get to sleep with exactly who you deserve."

An interesting thought!

Whatever type of lover you decide to be - have a great Valentine's Day - and make sure you have a lot of fun with your loved one!

To discover how to enhance your relationships and friendships, book your NLP course with us, today.